phil 61 years and 357 days old

It is a new day and Phil is still with us. He sleeps on and off. Mostly he is sleeping but you never know when he is listening. He talks very little but when you do something he does not like he knows how to use that GD word. He still follows directions only if he wants to. (Nothing new there)

His breathing pattern changed, so he is getting closer to the end. Yesterday, his blood pressure got lower and his pulse higher another sign he is getting closer. However, he still can tell you when he has to use the uninal. I know that because when I ask him why he is moving around last night, he said, "I got to pee, god damm it." I put the urinal in place and he used it. It is nice that he stays dry for the most part, because he does not like me changing his clothes. I think it is too exhausting for him.

When he was talking all the time, he told me it really tired him out to change and get cleaned up. With the new IV medication he does not have any of the spitting and vomiting any more. He asked me for water last night but that was the only time he asked for it yesterday and he only took one sip. He seems almost in a coma but then he moves around and I ask him things and he answers with a nod or a hand signal.

He no longer tells me he loves me but I tell him I love him several times a day.


Later


I had to stop typing because he just told me,"nicely" that he had to go potty quick. After he went potty, the nurse came and he has some rattles in his lungs and his heart rate is going up more and blood pressure going down more. We figure a day or two. But we have been wrong before.

Michael brought some nice music to play for him and I am just sitting on my, bed next to his bed, and listening to him breath. Last week he told me to cut his ear hairs and nose hairs so that he looked good. I look at him now and even though he is thin, I think he looks pretty good. He is clean with clean clothes, a fairly good shave, (I gave him the last one) a nice hair cut, no excess hairs and no sores on his body. I lotioned his skin, because it was so dry, so it is nice an smooth. His dark skin color makes it hard to see that his circulation is as bad as I know it is. He looks peaceful and comfortable.

It will be hard not to have him here next to me, but it is hard to see him be only half of what he was.