The last day

On Sunday morning, the day Phil died, was a special day for me. I got up in the morning while everyone was at church and I shaved and bathed Phil. Not an ordinary bed bath, but a soothing way to say good bye. He moved his face as much as he could to help me shave him. I kissed him on the forehead.


Then I gentle washed his face and arms and legs with warm water. I messaged him with lotion. I washed him very lovingly, much like you would stroke a loved one. The bath was very soothing for both of us. After he was all cleaned and changed and his bed was changed I just held his hand. The bath must have taken more than an hour and I was not eager to have it end. His skin was so dry from lack of fluids and the lotion seemed to make it look so nice.


I combed his hair and brushed his teeth with some mouth wash and mouth sponges. He seemed so comfortable. It was very comforting. Later that day his breathing became more labored and his nails more blue. As late afternoon came his lips got a blueish ting to them and his breathing was very labored with long periods of no breathing.


We all went into the dining room to eat supper. I was sure he was not going to need anything because he was incontinent just a hour of two before that. It was unusual for him to be incontinent but he seemed to be sleeping much deeper then usual.


A couple of time during supper I thought of checking on him but the kids and I were having such a nice conversation and I did not want to disturb that. Nothing I would do for Phil was going to change his outcome in anyway. I was sure he could hear us talking and he did not feel alone.


After supper, I walked into the room and there appeared to be no breathing. He was warm and I felt for a pulse. I was pretty sure he was gone but there seem to be a faint pulse in his wrist. I then put my head on his chest and heard nothing and could no longer feel a pulse. I just sat there with him saying good bye over and over mostly in my head.


A few minutes later Michael came by the door and I told him dad was gone. My whole world was gone. I would be forever changed.