Sunday, January 25, 2009
Full Military Honors
We think that one of the reasons that Phil lived so long was that when they present the flag to you they tell you that it is on behalf of the Presdent of the United States and he did not want us to get a flag from George W.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Another birthday for my dad
Well, today is my dad's 62nd birthday. His remains were buried this morning by the pond at Holy Cross Cemetery. It was bitterly cold. The wind chill was in the single digits.
My dad was buried with full military honors.
My dad was buried with full military honors.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The last day
On Sunday morning, the day Phil died, was a special day for me. I got up in the morning while everyone was at church and I shaved and bathed Phil. Not an ordinary bed bath, but a soothing way to say good bye. He moved his face as much as he could to help me shave him. I kissed him on the forehead.
Then I gentle washed his face and arms and legs with warm water. I messaged him with lotion. I washed him very lovingly, much like you would stroke a loved one. The bath was very soothing for both of us. After he was all cleaned and changed and his bed was changed I just held his hand. The bath must have taken more than an hour and I was not eager to have it end. His skin was so dry from lack of fluids and the lotion seemed to make it look so nice.
I combed his hair and brushed his teeth with some mouth wash and mouth sponges. He seemed so comfortable. It was very comforting. Later that day his breathing became more labored and his nails more blue. As late afternoon came his lips got a blueish ting to them and his breathing was very labored with long periods of no breathing.
We all went into the dining room to eat supper. I was sure he was not going to need anything because he was incontinent just a hour of two before that. It was unusual for him to be incontinent but he seemed to be sleeping much deeper then usual.
A couple of time during supper I thought of checking on him but the kids and I were having such a nice conversation and I did not want to disturb that. Nothing I would do for Phil was going to change his outcome in anyway. I was sure he could hear us talking and he did not feel alone.
After supper, I walked into the room and there appeared to be no breathing. He was warm and I felt for a pulse. I was pretty sure he was gone but there seem to be a faint pulse in his wrist. I then put my head on his chest and heard nothing and could no longer feel a pulse. I just sat there with him saying good bye over and over mostly in my head.
A few minutes later Michael came by the door and I told him dad was gone. My whole world was gone. I would be forever changed.
Then I gentle washed his face and arms and legs with warm water. I messaged him with lotion. I washed him very lovingly, much like you would stroke a loved one. The bath was very soothing for both of us. After he was all cleaned and changed and his bed was changed I just held his hand. The bath must have taken more than an hour and I was not eager to have it end. His skin was so dry from lack of fluids and the lotion seemed to make it look so nice.
I combed his hair and brushed his teeth with some mouth wash and mouth sponges. He seemed so comfortable. It was very comforting. Later that day his breathing became more labored and his nails more blue. As late afternoon came his lips got a blueish ting to them and his breathing was very labored with long periods of no breathing.
We all went into the dining room to eat supper. I was sure he was not going to need anything because he was incontinent just a hour of two before that. It was unusual for him to be incontinent but he seemed to be sleeping much deeper then usual.
A couple of time during supper I thought of checking on him but the kids and I were having such a nice conversation and I did not want to disturb that. Nothing I would do for Phil was going to change his outcome in anyway. I was sure he could hear us talking and he did not feel alone.
After supper, I walked into the room and there appeared to be no breathing. He was warm and I felt for a pulse. I was pretty sure he was gone but there seem to be a faint pulse in his wrist. I then put my head on his chest and heard nothing and could no longer feel a pulse. I just sat there with him saying good bye over and over mostly in my head.
A few minutes later Michael came by the door and I told him dad was gone. My whole world was gone. I would be forever changed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Funeral arrangements
Services to be held on Thursday, January 22 at St. Sebastian Church, 5400 W. Washington Blvd., Milwaukee
Visitation from 4:00 pm until Mass of Christian Burial at 7:00 pm.
My mother will be greeting many people at the services. She feels that my dad would best be honored if people who know him would share a favorite saying of my dad's or a brief anecdote.
Visitation from 4:00 pm until Mass of Christian Burial at 7:00 pm.
My mother will be greeting many people at the services. She feels that my dad would best be honored if people who know him would share a favorite saying of my dad's or a brief anecdote.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Phil: January 23, 1947 - January 18, 2009
Just yesterday my dad gave me the hand signal that meant he wanted to go to heaven. I responded, "You will, Dad."
God took mercy on my dad this evening. At a little after 7 pm, angels came and guided my dad to heaven.
God took mercy on my dad this evening. At a little after 7 pm, angels came and guided my dad to heaven.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
January 17, 2009
This morning Phil decided to get up at 4:30 am. I told him yesterday that if he lived one more day I would have to shave him again. He always says that you should not let a woman next to you with sharp objects. I guess he felt he got up at that time of the morning I would not be interested in shaving him and he would get out of it for another day.
Well when he woke he asked to go potty. We did that and he asked me if he was still alive. When I told him he was he said "shit". Then he asked what time and day it was and wanted some water. After several sips of water he requested pain medication. I fell asleep for a while and he reached over and hit my hand and wanted to know where his glasses were. I had put them aside because he was sleeping all the time. He use to tell me he needed them to see his dreams, so I asked him if he needed them to find his way to heaven and he said yes. I placed his glasses on him and in a few minutes he fell back to sleep. All and All he was up about an hour or so.
His breathing is more shallow now and he has long periods of apnea. Maybe that is the last conversation I will have with him. He has not been editing these emails for the last two weeks. I still read the responses to him but many times he is asleep.
Well when he woke he asked to go potty. We did that and he asked me if he was still alive. When I told him he was he said "shit". Then he asked what time and day it was and wanted some water. After several sips of water he requested pain medication. I fell asleep for a while and he reached over and hit my hand and wanted to know where his glasses were. I had put them aside because he was sleeping all the time. He use to tell me he needed them to see his dreams, so I asked him if he needed them to find his way to heaven and he said yes. I placed his glasses on him and in a few minutes he fell back to sleep. All and All he was up about an hour or so.
His breathing is more shallow now and he has long periods of apnea. Maybe that is the last conversation I will have with him. He has not been editing these emails for the last two weeks. I still read the responses to him but many times he is asleep.
Phil is another day older
Phil is still here. He still communicates with us but sleeps most of the time. He says that he has no pain and he is comfortable. He rarely talks, maybe one sentence a day. He uses all his energy to breath.
A few days ago I thought he was as thin as he could get but he has exceeded all my expectations. He is nothing but a skeleton with skin. His eyes are sunken in and he looks terrible. However, every day I tell him he looks great because I know how saddened he was when he would look at himself and see how thin he was getting. I am glad that he no longer looks at his arms and I would never give him a mirror. Cancer can be so cruel. I just want to hold his hand and keep him close to me.
It is getting late now and I am tired. I will move his bed close to mine and hold his hand as I fall asleep. I will pray that tomorrow he will be gone, because I know that is what needs to be.
A few days ago I thought he was as thin as he could get but he has exceeded all my expectations. He is nothing but a skeleton with skin. His eyes are sunken in and he looks terrible. However, every day I tell him he looks great because I know how saddened he was when he would look at himself and see how thin he was getting. I am glad that he no longer looks at his arms and I would never give him a mirror. Cancer can be so cruel. I just want to hold his hand and keep him close to me.
It is getting late now and I am tired. I will move his bed close to mine and hold his hand as I fall asleep. I will pray that tomorrow he will be gone, because I know that is what needs to be.
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